Sorry for the burst of sickly enthusiasm, but it’s Positive Thinking Day and out of all the years, 2020 needs a day like this one.
Forget the fact the world is in the grips of one of the worst pandemic in history and spend the next few minutes humouring me. See if I can take you from a crap mood to a less crap one with this totally unproven methodology. I can feel your vitriol burning through my screen. I’d better start.
1. Strength does not come from winning.
What a crock of s***! Of course, it does. Look at Usain Bolt. Winning gives you wings and makes you ooze confidence. It’s the best feeling in the world.
But, what is also true, is that today’s winners were yesterday’s strugglers. Messi was too small. The 23-gold-medal-winning swimmer Michael Phelps had feet so big he couldn’t dance at the prom. Beethoven was blind. Or deaf. Or both, I forget. Usain bolt has a dairy allergy and will never enjoy a piece of aged Stilton like you or I. Yes, you’re having a crap day and you are struggling but thanks to your struggle, you are becoming mightier. Tomorrow will be a little easier.
Yes! Go revel in the cocktail party of positivity in the paragraph
No! Keep reading.
2. Stop worrying.
Yeah right, that’s easy for you to say writer-person, like you have my life eh? Tapping away on your fancy MacBook pro with your cotton shirt and floppy hair. Tell me how to get out of the hamster-wheel of crud that circulates my brain like sewage going down a storm drain, then I’ll stop worrying.
Ok, I’ll try.
Worrying doubles your suffering. Don’t take it from me, take it from a real writer who knows what she’s talking about: JK Rowling. You’re suffering today and you’ll suffer again IF that stuff in your head happens. If! That’s double suffering. Don’t do that to yourself. You’ve got enough resting on your shoulders, so lighten the load soldier. Life’s tough enough. You can stop the suffering right now by stopping the worrying right now. Do it.
Yes! Go bask in the golden sunshine of jubilation in the paragraph.
No! Read on.
3. No one’s life is perfect.
They may be better looking, richer, and healthier than you. And have smarter pants and shinier shoes. But they are not perfect and have crap days just like you. Probably crappier as all that money hasn’t prevented a crap day from happening in the first place.
So don’t believe the hype or Instagram. It’s a trap to lower your self-esteem. Turn it off. In fact, turn your mobile off (read this first). Go for a walk and talk to someone real or just suck in the fresh air deep into your lungs and breath.
Yes! Tuck into the smorgasbord of euphoria in the last paragraph.
No! It’s time to dial things up.
4. No one promised you that life would be easy.
In fact, they all clearly said it was going to be hard. Tolstoy also said ‘if you look for perfection you’ll never be content’.
Sometimes a little bit of average is just fine. So aim lower today. Be happy with less. Don’t expect a lot. Don’t strive for the unattainable. Be grateful for what you’ve got. Family, friend(s), a roof, a facemask, and a little bottle of hand sanitizer.
Yes! Take a leap into the infinity pool of fun in the last paragraph.
No! This is not over.
5. It’s okay to cry.
I didn’t cry for 20 years between the age of 20 and 40. Where did it get me? Nowhere! What good did it do me? None! I now cry continually (I’m gently sobbing right now) and I feel younger, healthier, and happier. And my hair is thicker. Cry now – let those tears roll! Blub like a baby. Weep like Leonardo Dicaprio in Romeo and Juliet.
Yes! Go bounce on the trampoline of joy in the last paragraph.
No! Hang in there, I will not give up on you.
6. Hug a cow.
Yes, a cow. Not a bull. Cows are incapable of negative thoughts, so it’s impossible to be unhappy hugging one. Look deep into those big dark pools of their eyes, wrap your arms around that silky neck and let all that syrupy saliva dribble down your back. If you can’t find a cow, hug a dog, or cat or any animal you can catch.
Yes! Dance like Gene Kelly in the rain puddles of bliss in the last paragraph.
No! You need to remember something important.
7. You’re good enough.
Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Especially you. And you’re alive – most people are dead – so make the most being alive. Plus someone loves you – because everyone loves someone. Including you.
Now, take this free mango lassi with a little umbrella in it and trot on to the party in the last paragraph. You’re fashionably late and they’re all waiting for you.
The Last Paragraph.
You made it, you beacon of positivity.
The world will feel your radiance and respond with smiles and warmth.
Babies will stop crying. Birds will start chirping. Dogs will roll over and want their bellies rubbed.
You will have a great day.
Especially you holding the mango lassi.